It just didn’t seem possible for me to adequately educate my older kids with all the other demands on my time. Unless God was going to miraculously supply my kids with knowledge and wisdom then someone else was going to have to step in to do it. “I don’t want to homeschool anymore,” I told my husband. “I’m just too tired of trying to figure out how to make a hopeless situation work.”
My husband continued to remind me of why we were homeschooling. We were living life with our kids and teaching them how to live a life for God in the process. I tried again to rack my brain for a creative solution with little hope that it would work. I decided to try incorporating just one subject into our crazy life over the next few weeks. I figured the best subject to start with was the Bible so we pulled out a hymn study I meant to do last year and attempted 10 minutes of school time each day.
Honestly, the first several days were difficult to get even 10 minutes in! How was I going to teach four kids all their subjects if I couldn’t even manage a measly 10 minutes?! But over the course of a week the kids got use to our short school time routine and the words of the hymn started seeping into their hearts and out their mouths.
What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.
Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.
The kids were bringing their worries and frustrations to the Lord in prayer. They were singing the hymn throughout the day. It took me a little longer to catch what God was trying to show me. I finally realized that I was not bringing my burdens to God in prayer. But why? I guess I didn’t believe that God could do anything to solve my dilemma. Sure, he could give me joy in the chaos but how was that joy going to help me educate my children in the craziness of life with six kids?
Then I remembered James 1:5-6:
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. (KJV)
I was not receiving wisdom in how to accomplish what he had called me to do because I was lacking faith. I did not believe God could practically help me homeschool my kids. So my prayer became something like this:
Lord, I am overwhelmed and exhausted. I can not see a way to educate my kids at home successfully. I am tired of trying to figure it out on my own. I know I have neglected to come to you for wisdom and I have not had faith in your power or sovereignty. I repent of my reliance on myself rather than on you. Forgive me Lord and help me to have faith that you will supply me with the wisdom I need. I know that you may not give me that wisdom until the very moment I need it. I still have no idea how I am going to homeschool these children but I will be faithful to do the task you have called me to do, believing that you will supply all that I need to complete that task. Continue to increase my faith for your glory. In Jesus name, Amen.
I still don’t know how God is going to work things out so that I can homeschool my children. I do know that he will give me the wisdom I need to accomplish his will for us each day. I am not super excited to start school next week but I’m also not overwhelmed anymore. I am finding more and more joy rising up as I anticipate seeing God work in our lives as I rely on him (and not myself). I am finding that the more I pray this prayer, the more nuggets of wisdom I am discovering that I hope will help things run a little smoother. But even if they don’t work I know God will be working it all out for my good (and my kids’ good) and for his glory!
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